Annie Ning is a varsity pong hero and white savior.
Dominoe Jones is secretly a horse girl.
Ramsay Burgess can’t even win an arm wrestling match against Annie Ning.
Emma Johnson aspires to be captain of the varsity speedless walking team.
Anthony Brian Lexington Smith Award for fastest playwriting at 2.5 hours:
Julia White & Mina Khan
Eyes on the Road
Jordan Roe thrives on pickle juice.
Nika Litt enjoys prank calling senior living facilities.
Jeremy Sherman is learning how to metaphorically backflip.
David Annex Error:404 puffs not found, sleep not found, unable to output blurb.
Michayla Robertson-Pine saw a double rainbow once, and now wishes she hadn’t.
Sophia Andreadis’s Russian sleeper agent activation words are spinach, leaf, mush, and danish.
Streaming Killed the Video Star
Kira Stern routinely argues with her family over the concept of desserts a la mode. (It’s bad, okay? Why would you put something cold and wet on top of something that should be hot? Then you just have a soggy, lukewarm dessert, with bitter memories of what it could have been.)
Clara Coggiano will die arguing that Gossip Girl should be considered prestige television.
Nell Buechler is nostalgic for times where she would eat Pop Rocks outside of her local Blockbuster Video.
Jordan Legaspi doesn’t advise taking 8.5 credits in a semester.
Chapin Montague locked herself out of her room at 6:30 am but still made it here on time thanks to her supportive roommate Maya Hayda.
Elizabeth Nefferdorf is well aware at that she looks like Amy Schumer. You don’t have to remind her.
Amira Leila is THE TRUE MVP OF THE NIGHT!!
JR Atkinson is a little bloated to be here.
Stephanie Ades is perplexed by all the silent letters in the French language.
An Pham once got asked out on LinkedIn.
Virginia Sciolino plans to name her child after her dead lizard Thomas.
Abigail Weiss still hasn’t started planning her DnD campaign.
Sofia Khu was raised by wolves.
Sam Dixon never learned how to read.
Noah Kalischer-Coggins still checks for Gremlins under his bed.
Annabella Machnizh's drug of choice is ice cream.
India Dixon is neither a subcontinent nor the male offspring of a man named Richard.
Ben Filio has many, many regrets. But there's no point in dwelling on it because there'll be more later.
Stephanie Okun has a gallon ziplock bag of medication and is so ready for this.
Annie Kidwell wears 367293 bandannas all the time.
Jahnavi Mehta likes the crunch.
Sarah Jin is hiding
Helen Wang could use an extra eighteen hours of sleep.
DIRECTOR (AND ACTOR)
Anna Buchmueller did not intend on acting tonight.
Maya Dorn currently has a peritonsillar abscess.
Mia McKinney is already out of points.
Adam Hickey is sad that no one used the clay effigy of him hanging as a prop.
Adam Kielbasa I may look like an egg, but I’m not cage free.
Mina Khan has been banned from a phone sex hotline.
Julia White was gently redirected to the hotline “for lesbians and bicurious women.”
Emma Richmond sweaty.
Ellis Collier's social security number is 12.
Alphina Kamara has been cheated by you since you know when.
Gabrielle Baba-Conn, likes stickers and the smell of old books.
Cameron Berry isn’t afraid of you. But that thing behind you...oh dear God...
Sitting with Stella
Ray Achan really loves Mamoun’s Mozz sticks.
Keith Jones is here, he’s queer, get used to it.
Joanna Gerber likes asking questions and making other people think of the answers. This is why she enjoys directing.
Ruby Rechler needs coffee.
Salma Hassan chews on your homework for breakfast.
Elijah Comas always seems to end up yelling at other people in the dark on stages, even though he doesn't actually know what he's doing.
Special Thanks to Danielle Lobo, Gabriel Drozdov, Lea Moore, Adam Rahman, Susana Hair, Amira Leila, and Avery Kaplan
SECOND STAGE IS
Sammy “Bitch of Living” Morreale, Susana “purple nurple” Hair, Adam “Theatrical Buttcrack” Rahman, Gabriel “Sticky Ice Cream” Drozdov, Ramsay “97% Vanilla” Burgess, Aby “noob” Crystal, Analiese “noob” Guettinger, Emma “Kinky Cookie Monster” Johnson, Dominoe “Pee in the bushes like a fucking adult” Jones, Pryor “noob” Krugman, Lea “noob” Moore, Annie “I am Brad Pitt” Ning